Friday, April 6, 2012

Dear Google, Why?

Like many out there I light a scented candle and lay down some fresh SEO Fruit at the altar of Google each and every day. I have been doing this for as long as I can remember as a businessman who relies on Google for my daily traffic.

Google has become part of my routine and part of my family.

Like any beloved family member if you see them going off the rails you want to help. So Google I am here to help in regards to the announcement of Project Glass.

Some Tough Intervention Love

First of all Google you are not Apple. This made painfully evident by the fact you have released a version 0.1 of a product that has no hope in hell of making it into the wider tech sphere let alone the public commercial space.

What you have created with Project Glass is a bio-human catastrophic media machine waiting to happen. A futuristic toy that flies in the face that America ranks 16th in broadband and every single supplier of 3G, 4G and presumably 5G are currently throttling down bandwidth as fast as they can.

If you had been Apple, you would have released a finished and fully vetted product to waiting hoards produced at Gulag style tech sweatshops across China. Accompanied by some underweight and slightly anemic looking Norwegian singer with a catchy, simply irresistible, yet undefined techno beat.

That's how you do tech.

Not to mention the wails of discontent, the gnashing of teeth, as your early adopters are bedeviled by a product that is so high tech and fragile it fails daily life spectacularly. Imagine the horrors that await Project Glass in the marketplace.

In case you have not yet conceived of such real world tech horrors we have listed a few:

1. Moisture.

2. Children under five with sticky fingers.

3. Burning Man.

4. Looking down into the dark depths of a port-o-potty whilst in the middle of a Susan G Koman 'Run For The Cure' race in New York, watching your now branded 'Google DG Glasses' slide into the dark depths forever.

5. Re-watching, over and over, the video of your $500 'Google DG Glasses' on You Tube slide into the dark depths from an altogether unholy first tech perspective.

We're just trying to help Google so please reconsider this tech disaster and return to your roots.

I will be adding some more SEO Fruit to the Google altar today in your honor.

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